Anyway, this is what I've come up with so far. Needs pictures, it does.
There was once a wise and well-traveled man by the name of English. He was a changeable fellow, always on the move and always picking up bits and pieces of the world from wherever he wandered. He was often seen travelling with a company of characters known simply as the Alphabet. They were mostly a loyal bunch, which was saying a lot, because English was a curious man with a set of rules that didn't often make sense to those on the outside of his circle. Nevertheless, armed with this ever-evolving set of rules and his mostly loyal crew, English one day set out to build a kingdom, as any self-respecting well-traveled man with a good deal of influence is bound to do sooner or later.
Today his court is made up of 26 members, and this was one of his many decrees, made on an unremarkable day. Maybe the sun was shining. One can never be certain of these things.
"This is not to be some slapdash affair." he began, one finger held aloft to emphasize his point. "Everyone must have a job or several. Everyone must follow the rules, until I change them.
A, I, and O, play well with the others, but you may also stand alone. Sometimes you must speak your own name, and, when you do so, stand up straight and be loud and clear about it.
You are all important, but will sometimes be called upon to be silent. E, this will happen often when you follow far behind the Consonants. G and H, when you travel together behind the I, will be quiet as a mouse, or as quiet as the "e" at the end of the word "mouse", for that matter. And so on and so forth.
Yes, you are all important, but some of you may have to work harder than others or even work with a partner (or partners) to cover for others when necessary. G and H together can do F’s job quite nicely with the help of U.
Two heads are better than one. The following pairs have been matched for compatibility based on a list of personal characteristics - you know, it doesn't really matter how you were matched, but you should learn to get along from here on out, because you’re going to be seeing a lot of each other. S and H, T and I - together you sometimes sound the same, but the places where you shall work will be different.
"Z," he said, "Just be yourself, for that is the best thing you can be. Your sound is the drone of a bumblebee or an old man snoring (whether it’s raining and pouring or not!). On occasion, X will copy you, but you should find no distress in this: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."